"BOYS DON'T CRY!"

Greetings Everyone!

Today I would like to grab this opportunity and discuss a very sensitive and rather a controversial issue that got triggered in my mind through an advertisement. The ad-film was broadcasted on Television on very rare occasions and that too for a very short duration of time. The ad-film is called “#StartWithTheBoys” featuring Madhuri Dixit and is directed by Vinil Mathew for #VogueEmpower by Vogue India.

Before I delve into my interpretation and opinions on the ad, I would like to you all to spare two-minutes and watch the ad-film before if you didn't catch it on T.V. before. The ad-film is provided below.

SOURCE: Vogue India

I remember seeing it on T.V. for the first time and when it came to an end, I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment so strong that it took me by surprise. During the ad-film or rather the initial minute of it, I couldn't help but be awestruck by an ad made to recognise the gender stereotypes and oppression faced by our male counterparts and in the end, it turned out to be a women empowerment ad which too, I believe fell short in its mark.

Let’s go through the ad step by step and I'll try to explain my opinion on the ad to the best of my ability and I would love if you leave your opinions on the ad in the comments below.

In the first scene, we see a father holding his son in his arms in the hospital only hours after his birth. We see the infant crying and the father while comforting the child softly whispers “BOYS DON’T CRY!” while the mother looks at them with a light smile playing on her lips. We see just hours after his birth, the infant who is oblivious to his gender, to the customs and  gender-role is being comforted by his father by the statement “boys don’t cry”. This shows just how deep-rooted the ideals of gender are that after the infant is born, the parents unconsciously conform and groom their child for their respective ‘gender-roles’ and set up certain standards as their parents must've have done for them.

In the ad, we see different boys in various stages of their life facing diverse situations - some afraid, some happy, some who feel defeated and some simply heartbroken and on the brink of tears and then someone pops up and tells him “Boys don't cry” and he stifles a sob suddenly ashamed of his tears. The interesting part of this is that we are shown men and women alike telling the boy that “Boys don’t cry”, this in itself is a proof of how concrete the foundation of what it is to be a boy and how they should act and just how strong this foundation is set in men and women’s mind alike. What is even more interesting that we see children as old as seven or eight telling a boy who is younger to them, who is hurt and crying that “Boys don't cry!”. This idea is propagated in front of both genders alike so early in their lives that the ideal is built up in their head as soon as they are aware of their gender differences and their “supposed” gender roles.

Another interesting snippet in the advertisement is that we see a mother leaving her son for his first day of school and the child obviously afraid of this big change bursts into tears to which his mother responds-“Stop crying, Rohan! Are you a girl? Boys don’t cry!” .I’ll give you moment to let that sink in. Yes, it is true that women cry more than men on average and this figure hasn't changed much from the 1980s to 2011*. 

But I wonder why is to so?

Why hasn't the freedom of emotional expression been extended to male counterparts as well?

Who is at fault?

We should make people understand that crying is not a sign of weakness but just a means of catharsis.

We should make it acceptable for people to cry if they want, their gender should play no hand in this. We should especially let men know that it is ‘OK’ to ‘CRY’ and crying does not mean that they are not strong, it just means that they are in touch with their emotions and are strong enough to validate and express them.

My main disappointment with the ad is that it asks men to conform to their emotions only so that it doesn't come out in an ugly form.They used one of the most heinous crimes against women - Domestic Violence in order to propagate the message just how harmful bottled up emotions and while there example stands valid, I'm crestfallen as they could've put this message in a positive way yet they choose a negative one. I understand that it was the filmmaker’s and the creative team’s decision and I respect that I just personally wish they could've taken a different turn. I believe that this portrayal just further insinuates the idea that ‘Men can only hurt’ but that they themselves ‘are never hurt’. Mard ko dard nahi hota, anyone?

If in the ad, they could've shown a set of parents who let their son validate his emotions and that son grows up to be a man who respects women this ad would've given a very positive message indeed. This ad instead of referring to the fact that we should let boys know that it’s ok to cry if they want, sub-textually, if it could’ve done it openly in clear terms, it would've sent this important message to everyone alike and would've empowered men also.

Also, I don’t think this ad went a long way to empower women as well which seemed to be it's primary purpose. The message itself says “We have taught our boys not to cry. It’s time we teach them not to make girls cry”. This message refers to women as if we are at the mercy of men to go easy on us, it isn't very empowering and portrays us as if we are weak and need men’s mercy to protect ourselves. We do not need anyone’s mercy or pity; we welcome support and respect but not charity. What’s worse that victim of domestic abuse seems to taking the abuse without a fight-she take it wordlessly without a scream, without a fight.

I believe that although the ad tried to but it fell short to ‘empower women’ and also missed it mark to ‘empower men’ which it could’ve done so easily. I believe now the time has come that we should also recognize the oppressions faced by the male gender and uplift them while working on women empowerment as well. I believe that this would in turn help both the genders alike and speed-up the empowerment movement. We should not see uplift or empowerment as battle of the sexes anymore but see it as better for humanity at large. It is my personal belief that the idea of equality will truly flourish if both the genders are free from their respective oppressions and work in a symbiotic relationship to achieve it.We should know that revolutions can never be static and that everyone needs to be involved, active, uplifted and empowered with no preference to their gender.So,start the empowerment movement with the boys too!

SOURCE:https://www.pinterest.com/
cmarski/hot-guys-of-sci-fi/

So,men you must understand a simple fact that it is 'OK' to validate your emotions and cry.

Hell! If Dean Winchester - the alpha male, a hunter, epitome of strength and the ultimate bad boy, does it and with no shame,so what's stopping you? Because remember strength is not validated by actions that one carries out under the pressures of the society rather "real" strength is when one expresses oneself regardless of gender or any such classification and outside the shackles of  never ending 

'Log kya kahenge?' and this goes for both the genders alike.

Let’s uplift humankind instead of genders! 

-Aadya Dua

* You may check the facts and the study on this from my source-http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry.aspx