"BOYS DON'T CRY!"

Greetings Everyone!

Today I would like to grab this opportunity and discuss a very sensitive and rather a controversial issue that got triggered in my mind through an advertisement. The ad-film was broadcasted on Television on very rare occasions and that too for a very short duration of time. The ad-film is called “#StartWithTheBoys” featuring Madhuri Dixit and is directed by Vinil Mathew for #VogueEmpower by Vogue India.

Before I delve into my interpretation and opinions on the ad, I would like to you all to spare two-minutes and watch the ad-film before if you didn't catch it on T.V. before. The ad-film is provided below.

SOURCE: Vogue India

I remember seeing it on T.V. for the first time and when it came to an end, I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment so strong that it took me by surprise. During the ad-film or rather the initial minute of it, I couldn't help but be awestruck by an ad made to recognise the gender stereotypes and oppression faced by our male counterparts and in the end, it turned out to be a women empowerment ad which too, I believe fell short in its mark.

Let’s go through the ad step by step and I'll try to explain my opinion on the ad to the best of my ability and I would love if you leave your opinions on the ad in the comments below.

In the first scene, we see a father holding his son in his arms in the hospital only hours after his birth. We see the infant crying and the father while comforting the child softly whispers “BOYS DON’T CRY!” while the mother looks at them with a light smile playing on her lips. We see just hours after his birth, the infant who is oblivious to his gender, to the customs and  gender-role is being comforted by his father by the statement “boys don’t cry”. This shows just how deep-rooted the ideals of gender are that after the infant is born, the parents unconsciously conform and groom their child for their respective ‘gender-roles’ and set up certain standards as their parents must've have done for them.

In the ad, we see different boys in various stages of their life facing diverse situations - some afraid, some happy, some who feel defeated and some simply heartbroken and on the brink of tears and then someone pops up and tells him “Boys don't cry” and he stifles a sob suddenly ashamed of his tears. The interesting part of this is that we are shown men and women alike telling the boy that “Boys don’t cry”, this in itself is a proof of how concrete the foundation of what it is to be a boy and how they should act and just how strong this foundation is set in men and women’s mind alike. What is even more interesting that we see children as old as seven or eight telling a boy who is younger to them, who is hurt and crying that “Boys don't cry!”. This idea is propagated in front of both genders alike so early in their lives that the ideal is built up in their head as soon as they are aware of their gender differences and their “supposed” gender roles.

Another interesting snippet in the advertisement is that we see a mother leaving her son for his first day of school and the child obviously afraid of this big change bursts into tears to which his mother responds-“Stop crying, Rohan! Are you a girl? Boys don’t cry!” .I’ll give you moment to let that sink in. Yes, it is true that women cry more than men on average and this figure hasn't changed much from the 1980s to 2011*. 

But I wonder why is to so?

Why hasn't the freedom of emotional expression been extended to male counterparts as well?

Who is at fault?

We should make people understand that crying is not a sign of weakness but just a means of catharsis.

We should make it acceptable for people to cry if they want, their gender should play no hand in this. We should especially let men know that it is ‘OK’ to ‘CRY’ and crying does not mean that they are not strong, it just means that they are in touch with their emotions and are strong enough to validate and express them.

My main disappointment with the ad is that it asks men to conform to their emotions only so that it doesn't come out in an ugly form.They used one of the most heinous crimes against women - Domestic Violence in order to propagate the message just how harmful bottled up emotions and while there example stands valid, I'm crestfallen as they could've put this message in a positive way yet they choose a negative one. I understand that it was the filmmaker’s and the creative team’s decision and I respect that I just personally wish they could've taken a different turn. I believe that this portrayal just further insinuates the idea that ‘Men can only hurt’ but that they themselves ‘are never hurt’. Mard ko dard nahi hota, anyone?

If in the ad, they could've shown a set of parents who let their son validate his emotions and that son grows up to be a man who respects women this ad would've given a very positive message indeed. This ad instead of referring to the fact that we should let boys know that it’s ok to cry if they want, sub-textually, if it could’ve done it openly in clear terms, it would've sent this important message to everyone alike and would've empowered men also.

Also, I don’t think this ad went a long way to empower women as well which seemed to be it's primary purpose. The message itself says “We have taught our boys not to cry. It’s time we teach them not to make girls cry”. This message refers to women as if we are at the mercy of men to go easy on us, it isn't very empowering and portrays us as if we are weak and need men’s mercy to protect ourselves. We do not need anyone’s mercy or pity; we welcome support and respect but not charity. What’s worse that victim of domestic abuse seems to taking the abuse without a fight-she take it wordlessly without a scream, without a fight.

I believe that although the ad tried to but it fell short to ‘empower women’ and also missed it mark to ‘empower men’ which it could’ve done so easily. I believe now the time has come that we should also recognize the oppressions faced by the male gender and uplift them while working on women empowerment as well. I believe that this would in turn help both the genders alike and speed-up the empowerment movement. We should not see uplift or empowerment as battle of the sexes anymore but see it as better for humanity at large. It is my personal belief that the idea of equality will truly flourish if both the genders are free from their respective oppressions and work in a symbiotic relationship to achieve it.We should know that revolutions can never be static and that everyone needs to be involved, active, uplifted and empowered with no preference to their gender.So,start the empowerment movement with the boys too!

SOURCE:https://www.pinterest.com/
cmarski/hot-guys-of-sci-fi/

So,men you must understand a simple fact that it is 'OK' to validate your emotions and cry.

Hell! If Dean Winchester - the alpha male, a hunter, epitome of strength and the ultimate bad boy, does it and with no shame,so what's stopping you? Because remember strength is not validated by actions that one carries out under the pressures of the society rather "real" strength is when one expresses oneself regardless of gender or any such classification and outside the shackles of  never ending 

'Log kya kahenge?' and this goes for both the genders alike.

Let’s uplift humankind instead of genders! 

-Aadya Dua

* You may check the facts and the study on this from my source-http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry.aspx

Indian by Religion

In 1947, when India got freedom from British rule, the nation was established as a secular one. Constitution of India guarantees all its citizens the “Right to Freedom of Religion” as a fundamental right under Article 25. This means, that all citizens have the right to practice and promote their religion peacefully. Muslim, Sikh, Hindu, Christian, Buddhist, Jain, or a person from any other religion should practice his or her religion as long as he or she is not disturbing or harming the public in any way.

Open today’s newspaper, or yesterday’s, or day before yesterday’s  &  you will find a report on communal violence. Attacks on religious establishments, forceful conversions, massacres, riots, you name it and it has taken place in this country. The only question that comes to our mind is whatever happened to tolerance? Why can’t we accept the existence of religions other than ours? Why do we feel the need to establish superiority of our religion over others?

On his return from India, President Obama said, "Michelle and I returned from India — an incredible, beautiful country, full of magnificent diversity — but a place where, in past years, religious faiths of all types have, on occasion, been targeted by other peoples of faith, simply due to their heritage and their beliefs — acts of intolerance that would have shocked Gandhiji, the person who helped to liberate that nation." Perhaps, if Gandhiji had seen the state of our country today and the kind of violence that occurs almost every day in the name of religion, he would have been scandalized.

No religion propagates the idea of harming others, no religion asks its followers to do things that would spoil the peace and harmony of the society. All religions promote a way of living which helps in maintaining peace and leading a balanced and satisfied life. All other aspects of religion that are being communicated today which lead to violence are not God’s words, these are wrong interpretations being made by people who want to see their religion on the top, like it’s a competition.

As the youth of the nation, as the people who are going to shape the nation in the coming years, it is our responsibility to overcome these false interpretations. Read your scriptures, read about your religion and understand that any violence in the name of religion is not being ordered by God. It is being ordered by people who can’t see a society living in peace and happiness. It is our duty, to shape a better future for ourselves and for those who will come after us. It is our duty to ensure that these acts of intolerance stop and each individual living in this country is free to practice the religion of his choice. It is our duty to promote brotherhood. Because before being Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, Jains or Buddhists, we are Indians and it is our responsibility to look out for each other, not harm each other. 

"The purpose of religion is to control yourself, not to criticise others" - Dalai Lama

Read more about communal violence issues in India in recent times:

1. Protest over Delhi Church Attacks
2. Church Vandalised in South Delhi
3. Over 600 cases of Communal Violence in UP
4. PM Modi on Religious Intolerance 

THE F-WORD:-FEMINISM AND MISREPRESENTATION.

Are feminists anti men?
God no.

 It’s legitimately funny that a movement about women rights and women’s freedom gets so distorted that it still ends up being all about men.

So here’s a crash course. Feminism in a nutshell means wanting equal rights for men and women. It fights, amongst other things, for the right to equal wages for women, fights for women to be accorded common fundamental rights (not just on paper), fights for a women’s right to live, to exercise freedom, to exist. It fights for things that have long being denied to women because... they’re women.

Feminism is the radical notion that women are humans too, just as much as every other man that walked this earth.

However in the past decade or so, public perception to a large extent has demonized

feminism. The female feminist, anyway. Yes there’s gender bias here too.

So while a woman feminist is seen as a man eating, man hating, coloured hair, tattooed monster, the male feminist is seen as a highly sensitive, conscientious human being who stands and cares for women’s rights.

However a large part of this perception is caused by misrepresentation of feminism by feminists too.

And here’s where there is a problem with radical feminism.

So when feminists say that women do a particular job better than men? They’re wrong

 Because the essence of feminism is not to establish supremacy of women over men. It is to establish that one, women can do any job as brilliantly as a man can and second, that accordance of merit or acknowledgement of talent should not be tied to one’s gender.

Girls can fight, boys can cry, women can go out and earn and men can stay home and not hold a job.

Feminism is not about switching patriarchy with matriarchy, it’s about establishing equality.

When feminists say it’s wrong for women to actively choose to stay home and look after her children. They’re wrong.

Feminism, above everything else, celebrates the right of a woman to chose for herself what she thinks is best. When you tell her that her choice to stay home is wrong you’re doing the exact same thing that patriarchs have done from the beginning of time while telling women that their place is in the kitchen. This is what’s essentially alienating a large population from the movement because of how non relatable it’s become.

 Feminism is not about replacing one rigid system of beliefs with another one.

It’s to break social constructs that chain people to specific gender roles and reconstruct society in a way that your gender doesn’t pre-decide your life choices.

Now, while I've validated a lot of anti-feminists concerns, here’s some food for thought.

When people say that, everyone should have a feminist point of view. They’re right.

It’s not about them taking away your choice to join the movement. It simply means that if you don’t support feminism, you support marginalization of women based purely on the fact that they’re women.

And that’s extremely problematic. Because if you’re a man and you don’t support feminism, it’s simply because ignoring sexism is easy when it works in your favour.

And if you’re a woman and you think that because you have equal voting rights, you don’t need feminism, here’s what you should give a thought to. Feminism got you to this point in time when you do have these basic rights and are not frowned upon if you enter political space. And that the fight is not just about basic rights, it will in fact only end when the collective public conscience starts believing that women in fact are not the weaker sex.